After breaking down at church to a woman I barely knew she gave me some words of wisdom, "tears are prayers"... in my case prayers for help. Since my co-teacher has left my students and I have been left in the wake of inconsistency, exhaustion, and wondering what we did wrong to make her go. Last week was spent attempting to maintain the schedule without having the people to maintain it. I was trying to manage 3 groups of students simultaneously and losing my voice in the process. I found out some things about myself... I am not as strong as I thought and nothing made me more disappointed in myself than yelling at students to get their attention.
It has taken a lot to go back to work and face these kids that are so important to me knowing that in some way I have failed them. I came back with a promise to remain calm even in the midst of frustrating student behaviors (crawling on the floor, refusing to follow directions, hording food and destroying school materials). Class went better today. It is still not ideal, but all we can do is persevere until my new co-teacher arrives and pray that she catches on quickly. Who knew that growing would be so painful?
In spite of all this there have been some glimmers of hope. The parents of my students have come together as a community to support our class until our new co-teacher arrives. One dad in particular simply astounded me with his gift of time. He works 12 hour shifts at a factory in town 6 days a week... what did he do on his day off? Read "It's Mine" to our class, stuffed all my BEE (Bring Everything Everyday) binders, and helped me with math. I've also had parents switch their schedules and take time off of work to come and help with the classroom. I couldn't be more grateful.
