Redemption: a new story of self

Redemption, that is what this year is about for me. Last year I lost my co-teacher, taught alone for 3 weeks, and tried and failed to teach a new teacher how to do her job while continuing to do mine. I left the year feeling defeated, hopeless, and depressed. Many of my students did not reach the accountability goals I set for them. At least 2 of them left the school because their behavior in my class was so atrocious, one of them charged my co-teacher with raised fists, another one crawled in between my kidney table and the wall while screaming and crying. I felt personally responsible for my students’ abandonment issues, their poor behavior, and their academic misgivings. I was depressed for part of the year, not feeling like myself especially when I had to rely on my roommate, MTLD (Manager of Teacher Leadership and Development), and colleagues at work to simply finish the school year. I teacher swapped in two separate classrooms to take a break from my own and was sent home from work one day crying because I was so overwhelmed.

                At the end of the year I was promised a move up to first grade from Kindergarten and the opportunity to co-teach with another 2012 corps member who I respected for her organization and classroom management skills. It was a promise that kept me going through most of April and May when my class was still in disarray and 4 out of the 6 kindergarten teachers had quit. Three weeks before I was supposed to return to school I found out I was being placed with a teacher who was new to the preps. To say I was disappointed would be an understatement. I started applying for other charter schools near my home in Rochester and had a very difficult conversation with my DCI (Director of Curriculum and Instruction) over the phone during which she told me that they would not be changing their minds about who my co-teacher would be.

                After sulking for several days I contacted my MTLD who helped me come to a difficult but important epiphany, I was projecting all my disappointment and perceived failure onto my new co-teacher, a woman I had never met and never given a chance to. I decided that I was too young to already become so bitter and let my bad experiences inform my new decisions. After our discussion I emailed my new co-teacher with a list of what I hoped to be rapport building questions.

                We have worked hard to create a space where students feel welcomed and it is my hope that they progressively feel a sense of belonging, purpose and honor for each other.  This year may not be perfect but I want to give back the year that was stolen from my kindergartners last year. I want to build our school’s community and thereby win our students’ trust back. We will succeed this year and when we do we will find out what hope really means. Meliora. Ever Better.